Jail Time? Gems from the Internet . . .

Southern cops have a way with words These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
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2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
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3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)
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4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
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5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)
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6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
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7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
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8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
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9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
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10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
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11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
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12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )
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13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
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14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
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15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
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AND THE WINNER IS….
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
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