Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University

Posted on by bbarthelette1984

Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University

1. He only had one major publication.

2. It was in Hebrew.

3. It had no references.

4. It wasn’t published in a referred journal.

5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.

6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?

7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results.

9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.

10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

11. When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, He deleted them from the sample.

12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.

13. Some say He had His son teach the class.

14. He expelled His first two students for learning.

15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.

16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

Laugh For The Day . . .

Posted on by bbarthelette1984

A  senior  citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing, ” he thought as he flew down the highway, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a  State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this! “and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard — I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a  State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

This Amazing Quiz Can Tell You Your Favorite Movie!

Posted on by bbarthelette1984

1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your
predicted favorite movie in the list of 17 movies

Movie List:

1. Gone With the Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

7. &nb sp; Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Obama Farewell Speech 

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders of the Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire

Workable Sanctions . . .?

Posted on by bbarthelette1984

It might be funny . . . if it wasn’t becoming a realty!

Much has been said about what would hurt the Russian economy. The plan is simple:

 1) Ban the use of coal in Russia

 2) Mandate that Russia goes on Obamacare

 3) Don’t allow any oil drilling on Russian public land

 4) Have the EPA pass rulings on Russian businesses

 5) Re-define the full time Russian work week to 30 hrs

 6) Raise the Russian minimum wage

 7) Mandate overtime pay and bonuses for gov’t employees

 8) Demand the Russian Government pay free Welfare benefits to un-qualified Citizens and Illegal immigrants

 If implemented, these measures would bring the Russian economy to its knees. It has been working in the U. S. since 2009.

 

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